Vinay Kumar Declared Greatest Batsman in the World

An Aggressive Vinay Kumar

"Strike Rate is everything"   - Vinay Kumar

Known for his mind-numbing pace and mind-blowing bowling tactics on field, Davangere Express R Vinay Kumar has now been declared the greatest batsmen on the planet. He wrests this title from kiwi maverick Brendon McCullum after jumping 292 spots up the ladder, a feat which even Sir Jadeja Himself has not been able to achieve so far in the history of the game. His mammoth rise in the ranks comes after his powerful blast of 22 runs off just 6 balls against Rajasthan Royals earlier today at the Sawai Mansingh stadium. Announcing his achievement when interrupted by Danny Morrison after his blitzkrieg of an innings, RVK said, "I am honoured to adorn the mantle of best T20 batsman." When pointed out by Morrison that there was no Official ICC Declaration of this fact, the Davangere Express said, "Danny, the ICC is slow to pick up the fast-changing scenario of IPL and T20 cricket in general. I hope you will hear it soon". At a rare loss for words, Morrison was not able to continue irritating questioning the RCB bowler. Ravi Shastri recalled a similar incident during the initial three years of IPL when Dale Steyn was a prominent member of the Bangalore Squad. Vinay Kumar had nicknamed himself 'Davangere 'Express'', leading the attack comprising of Steyn and Kumble, among other bowlers. Questioning the logic behind how one could possibly assume the (nick-)name 'Express' when bowling with Dale Steyn, Jacques Kallis and even Anil Kumble, Shastri is later said to have realised (when the thought hit him like a tracer-bullet) that this was a self-proclamation by Kumar. Rumours were soon around speculating that this latest rant might also be another self-proclaimed achievement. When questioned about the slump in his bowling later today, which lost his team the match, Vinay Kumar replied angrily, "Do you know the mental strain that is exerted on a player when he shoulders the responsibility of taking his team to a high total? It naturally exhausted me".

The Davangere Express

When asked after the match "Why put so much of an effort when you were anyway going to screw up the game while bowling ?", the Express replied "Cricket is not about winning or losing, but about playing the game. Rarely do the batting powers of players lower down come into limelight. The McCullums and Watsons of this world must know that they are not the only aggressive batsmen around. Moreover, it felt like today was my day, anyway. You saw that Gayle bat against Pune. How do you think he built up the courage to play like that? I made him practise his shots while I bowled. Now who got the credit? This is what I'm talking about. The hidden talents of the lower order never comes out. Hence I thought I will address this situation today".
When asked about his former team-mate, Steyn asked, "Vinay Who? I have bowled with only two fast bowlers in RCB - Jacques Kallis and Anil Kumble. the rest were all spinners bro."
Meanwhile, ICC has announced that it will shortly announce the elevation of Vinay Kumar in its Twenty20 bowlers', batsmen's and all-rounders' lists.